Something Blue: Post-Wedding Depression and How to Suvive
Yes, it exists. I had never heard about it until we returned from our honeymoon and I feel into it pretty bad. Actually quite a few women experience post wedding depression in one form or another.
I’ve always struggled with depression ever since I was a child. At times it’s rougher than others, but it’s kinda always around. I can usually prepare myself for a season. I regularly have Seasonal Affective Disorder, as well as if there’s a big life change. However, I had never heard of post wedding depression and was completely taken by surprise.
We returned from our honeymoon late September. My full time position was changed to part-time, with no definite promise of returning to full time. So I went from working 50 hours a week and wedding planning 24/7, to working 10+ hours a week and sitting at home with nothing to do. I didn’t initially think the change in hours would affect me greatly, since I was used to every day off being full of running around and organizing and crafting. I never knew post wedding depression was a thing. But it is…
My wedding day did not go as planned, to put it nicely. I’d poured my heart and soul into making sure every detail was perfect, yet it seemed every bit of it went wrong. Looking at it a year later, I can focus on the good things and the happy moments. But in the months afterwards, all I could see was how much it didn’t go as planned. I felt so ungrateful, so many friends and family had put energy into making my day happen. Yet even the mention of it made me sick.
And then to top it off, my wedding photos came…and they were horrible. Yes, we always think our own photos are the worst, but these really are bad. There are shadows in everyone’s eye sockets. Top of heads chopped off. Not a single photo of the flower girl and ring bearer walking down the aisle, and worst of all, barely any photos of the groom and I. However, I have a great artistic shot of each dish and fruit served at my wedding. To read all about my photography woes and what I learned, visit my post in the series Rock to Moon: A wedding series.
I tried to fight it, and look through all my photos, but it just made my depression worse. I never watched the recording, and I never wanted to talk about anything wedding related. However, everyone who attended told me it was a wonderful day and many friends offered ideas, “retake your wedding photos” or “have a vows renewal.” Yet I felt no one understood…I didn’t want a redo, I wanted my wedding back! And this time, perfect. Obviously, unachievable.
I felt isolated, ungrateful, and hopeless. I think my worst feeling was ungrateful, I felt like a spoiled brat. I didn’t even send out my Thank You’s until 6 months later! (read about it in my Better Late than Never: why Thank You cards are even more important than you think). All the ads on my news feed were wedding related, I even hated getting on Pinterest (my favorite past time), because everything reminded me of how much my day was over. However, as time passed I found a few good ways to cope and realized I wasn’t alone. Post-Wedding depression is not only real, but it’s actually quite common. Almost every bride I talked to had experienced some form of blues after their big day. I’ve compiled a few tips to survive your blue season and get back at conquering life. Below we focus directly on depression related to Post -Wedding Blues (to read about coping and recovering from depression in a whole, read Jump Start your Depression Recovery):
How to Cope with Post Wedding Depression:
Get rid of your timeline: You’ve spent months to over a year living by a strict wedding timeline. Yes, your posting of pictures, thank you cards, and review writing all need to happen…but when you do it really affects no one. So why beat yourself up over it? Take baby steps and get there when you’re ready. These days some couples don’t even send out thank you’s, so if you get them out at all (maybe aim for before your 1st anniversary?) you’re ahead!
Focus on the moments, not the day: One thing that helped me greatly was to take the focus off the day itself, and focus on each moment we made with friends, family, and each other. Ask your friends and family to each tell you of their favorite moment from you wedding, hearing it from their perspective will help give you a new one.
Find a new obsession: This is one tip I use to help pull me out of any depression season I find myself in. Find a new obsession to dive into. My wedding was in the fall, so I focused on planning a big elaborate Christmas party for a few close couples. It didn’t end up happening (thanks to my position moving to full time again and it swallowing up my December), but all my decor ideas and recipes I kept around for another year. And it helped focus my love of planning into something new, as well as something that happens every year, if this Christmas was a flop, well gosh darn it next year will be amazing.
Nest: If you’re like most newlyweds, you have a stockpile of gifts littering your living room. Now is the time to focus on organizing and decorating your new life. Even if you and your new spouse have been cohabitating for a time before your nuptials, you can still make this feel like a new season. Take the time to reorganize your kitchen before you put away your new dishes or cookware. Repaint the powder room for an easy fresh feel. If your wedding photos bring you joy, get them printed and framed and create a collage wall of your big day. Nesting is one of my top coping skills for pulling out of a depression because it wraps self-improvement, business, and hope all into one.
Seek out those in your same season: One huge part of depression is feeling isolated, finding those who can relate can lift a huge burden. I found posting in different wedding forums helped me as well as reaching out to anyone I knew struggled with depression. Even if it’s revolving around a similar situation, empathy can go a long way.
Let me know how you survived….and if you’re there right now. Hang in there. It passes.
