So I’m about to get real personal up in here. As many of you know, both Jared and I founded highendpennies 2 years ago after an injury ended my law enforcement career. This past winter, after a lot of ups and downs, Jared and I decided to separate. Spring and summer were terrible as we divided assets and sold the house. I don’t think I’ve cried that much in my life. I thought losing my dream job was rough, but losing my best friend of 8 years has been the biggest challenge I’ve faced to this day. I’m even tearing up writing this post. Many have asked why we divorced…and I don’t really have an answer. We just realized we were going in separate directions, and I do believe it is the best thing for us as individuals, but that doesn’t make it ANY easier.
Yes, we fought like every couple does, but in general, we were amazing. Those 8 years together were the best years of my life so far and I wouldn’t change a thing. But in the end, I hurt him, he hurt me, and it wasn’t working anymore. We both have moved on and started dating, sooner than outsiders thought appropriate, but we both understand where each of us is coming from and in the end that’s all that matters.
How am I surviving?
I’m not. Haha ok I am, but I’m still in the center of this whirlwind but know with time I will heal. I’m still trying to get over the fact that I’m divorced at 28. I have to keep reminding myself divorce is just as bad at any age! As I already struggle with anxiety and depression, I’ve had to take extra care not to get overwhelmed and let the grief take over my life.
7 tips to survive divorce:
Allow time to wallow
This is a strategy I’ve often used to handle change and grief. I give myself a set amount of days to feel EVERYTHING. To cry. To wallow. To give the death of my marriage the mourning it deserves. But when those days have passed, it’s time to pick myself off the kitchen floor and start moving forward. I absolutely still have overwhelming moments of sadness, but better things are coming and that’s my focus now.
Take a break from social media
This one came natural to me as it sank in we were actually over. I completely shut down and avoided all social media. I think I took it to the extreme, but I needed it. I ended up making a new facebook (old one is just deactivated) since the memories are still too hard to face. But sometimes just a short break is good, all the questions and memories can be overwhelming and you need to just focus on yourself and your healing.
Take each day one at a time
Making future plans alone after having a travel buddy and best friend for 8 years is REALLY hard. For a while, even making simple weekend plans was too much for me. So cut yourself some slack and just take it one day at a time. You don’t need to conquer the world right now, you need to focus on yourself and healing.
Extra self care
This is a MUST. We should already be practicing self care, but during this transitional chapter in our lives take extra care of yourself. Actually schedule time to take care of yourself. Draw a relaxing bath after work. Book a massage. Go for a hike. Do a face mask. Paint your nails. Clear your afternoon for a good book and a cup of tea. I am still working on mastering this one, I never seem to have enough time for everything I want to do each day!
Stay healthy
This is something I did not do well in the beginning of our separation. I tend to lose my appetite when I’m stressed so I’d go days without eating and then break down and eat pizza and a pint of ice cream. And then everything spirals from there, I get irritable and grumpy, stop sleeping…what I eat is a huge factor in my mental and emotional health. Eat with purpose even if you aren’t hungry, you need to nourish your body during this strenuous time. This is definitely a time for comfort foods, but limit yourself, we don’t need ice cream every night! Really…we don’t…right? haha
Watch your alcohol consumption. I love my liquor and always will. In general, I’ve tried throughout my drinking years to avoid alcohol when I’m down in the dumps. But in long periods of pain it’s unrealistic, so again, limit yourself.
Exercise! Even if it’s just an evening walk, getting some fresh air and circulation will improve your mood. I’ve been trying to hit the gym more often for that boost of happy endorphins!
Find a support system
This is the hardest one for me to grasp. A lot of my friends were my neighbors and selling the house and moving an hour away made it difficult for me to find support. I’ll get more into it in a future post, but my close girlfriends (in state) chose to keep Jared in their life instead of me (this hurt more than ANYTHING and I am still not in a place to talk about it yet). I am slowly building up my new support system and have grown much closer to my two out of state girlfriends. I think I need to plan trips to Mississippi and Hawaii soon! There are also meetup groups specifically for going through divorce as well as I know a lot of churches have support groups as well. The key is to not get discouraged, there are people out there who care about you, go find them!
Fill your time
Start a new hobby or pick back up an old one you’ve been missing! Learn to knit, buy a paint by colors, plant a garden, or start a blog. Pick something that requires your full attention (no, binge watching doesn’t count!). Find something that doesn’t remind you of your ex and dive into it. I’ve started learning macrame and can’t wait to post about my first project!
Now the question begs, what’s next? I have no idea, and the cool thing is we don’t have to. The world is our oyster! Stay positive, we got this!
